What are your thoughts on it? Who has done so (if married or previously married)? Does it dilute the relationship in any way? Curious on your thoughts. Not discussing circumstances. Just the principle. Coming from another culture, it is a little foreign to me. Just want to know the prevalence of it and what’s the for and against it.
Discuss… 
Some people need it and others don’t. Usually they come into play at a divorce in deciding how the assets are divided up.
I have a friend that was about to get married but he wanted a pre-nup which basically said what is mine is mine and what is yours is yours with no alimony for either side. Needless to say they called off the wedding because she hated that idea.
I don’t see anything wrong with it, especially with the divorce rate in the US at or above 50%. I think generally only the wealthy are interested in entering into one. You have to be especially vigilant in some circumstances - you wouldn’t want to marry someone whose goal is to put on a front for a year or two and then dilute you of half (or more) of your assets.
But if both sides come from relatively similar economic backgrounds, it may not be worth the effort.
As mentioned above, the wealthier party usually wants the pre-nup, often times it’s the man but it can just as easily be the woman. I think it’s a good discussion point for a couple that’s begun talking about marriage. It’s also a test of the relationship and the person you might end up marrying. If both parties can objectively discuss the idea of a pre-nup, he/she might be worth keeping. If one of the potential spouse freaks out and can’t handle the topic in an adult fashion, it might be an indication of what’s to come. There will be other tough decisions that need to be made and the couple needs to be able to discuss them in a civil and logical manner. What happens with kids, how they’re raised, religious implications, etc. I’m not suggesting they will necessarily agree but if they discuss it, they’ve already gotten pretty far. Another good question for the person wanting the pre-nup is to reverse the question and see what the other person would answer if they were in their shoes (and the person asking needs to assess how honest the response is. It’s too easy for the non-wealthy person to simply answer, “I wouldn’t ask for a pre-nup”).
Finally, you could add a stipulation in the pre-nup saying that the pre-nup is rendered void after x number of years. In other words, the pre-nup requestor is saying, I don’t know what the future holds for us and logically, worst case scenario, I don’t think it would be fair to split my assets 50/50 for only a few years worth of marriage. However, say after 10 or 15 years (or whatever number), the requester can say "By then, I don’t feel a pre-nup is all that necessary anymore). Something to consider. You can put any kind of stipulations in there.
That’s a good stipulation to add a clause that it can be voided after x amount of time has passed. But yeah, tough topic to even bring up.
It’s interesting because I have a few good friends who were divorced after 10+ yrs of marriage and are getting screwed in the aftermath of the divorce. I have other friends who looked like they were the happiest couples in the world that still got divorced. Their point is that shit can happen and if it does, it should be fair to both sides.
It’s interesting and a little worrying for me I suppose. I come from an Asian culture (I’m first gen american that has lived half of my life in south east Asia) where divorce is super rare (IDK lol, I guess we work shit out better LOL).
Would any of you guys ever make a pre nup a hard requirement to settle down? Not being half glass empty, but as clochner pointed out, divorce rates are way high…
This is definitely a tough subject, but if I had assets or lets say a business that I built from the ground up…I would protect it. If your both of equal worth or equal contributors (both have successful careers) I wouldn’t worry as much, but I think it would be common for her to want one also if she was bringing a lot to the table.
Divorce sucks and usually the man gets fucked…just something to keep in mind.
If its a chick that you fell in love with while making it rain on a Saturday night bender…yes, get a prenup.
Yeah, I agree it’s more for protection. I’d even go as far to say that it’s to protect both individuals right? What if the other party wins the lotto or strikes it rich some how right?
Hard topic to bring up. Anybody here pulled off the topic (successful/unsuccessful)?
It can go way beyond what people traditionally think (like one is rich/the other poor). Marriage contracts of all kinds can be required for various reasons, especially when considering large business interests and trusts of various sorts. It’s not always up to the couple, for instance many, many large private/family businesses would require any family member to have a marriage contract in place if they want to be involved at all.
For sure the constant is “that” conversation will always go down like a lead balloon, no matter how well a couple communicates or trusts each other. For the most part, the marriage contract is a divorce agreement, planned in advance.
Family business (that I have no/minimal hand in day to day management but am an ‘shareholder’ - I don’t take any money but it is my parent’s gig) as well as family finances (am on my parent’s bank/savings accounts) is definitely the compelling reason for me asking.
It’s one thing if shit goes south that I lose my stuff. It’s a totally different thing to drag my family (and my youngest brother who’s still in high school and his future education) down with it.
Brace for impact I suppose… :-X
And thanks guys for the input… ;D
Do a prenup for sure, if the significant other isn’t understanding of that, then tough beans lol. Setup a trust for the business, will it to yourself. Then even if things go south and a loophole is found in the pre-nup, the business is safe.
I have one. I also have a gun and pay car, home and hazard insurance. None of them do I care to use but I have them all to protect me.
My first look into marriage was cut short due to my long time ex girlfriend not liking the pre- nup idea. Now in retrospect I’m very happy she had such an issue. The old saying “I’m not going to move back in with my parents because you’re not in love anymore” rings deep with me. My now wife of many many happy years of marriage wasn’t initially excited about it but, came to see the value in having it hopeing to never use it. My pre-nup helped open much bigger conversations most would never have. It helps imho place an outline on expectations during the marriage and expectations on what will come if one party decides they don’t hold their end of the relationship
Psyk, I’m in a very similar situation (exact it sounds), but I have no marriage contract though since we’ve been married over 10 years and the business wasn’t figured out that well back then. Had I insisted back then on the marriage contract, I know from discussion that it would have been pretty bitter to my wife (and my girlfriend before her, lol), but when it comes down to it, she has been the one who has had to work harder or compromise for our marriage more than I have.
My sister who has been married 20+ years is getting a divorce, and since the structure of the company/trusts are well-organized and secure, and no payouts have occurred, then it’s very clean in that only their own assets are at stake. Having the family business assets well-organized (and not paying any beinefficienticiaries from trusts) will helps more than any pre-nup/marriage contract.
Having the end of your marriage pre-planned is not always a good thing except for the lawyers who get your money up-front. Many will say it’s bad advice, but that’s my advice, and there are lots of other options for the business structure, especially if you’re not an active beinefficienticiary.
My blunt advice…if you guys are getting married…knock her up quickly…no joke…if you’re planning on having kids anyway, it quickly raises the trust level quite a bit with yourselves and your family. Maybe that’s why your people never really considered the marriage contract back home lol…barefoot and pregnant is a pretty real situation. Anyway I hope I didn’t offend anybody, seems like we’re all men here anyway
Thanks for everyone’s input on this thread. It’s an interesting new concept (to me at least) as I’ve mentioned in this thread. There’s good points on both sides.
But if I were to ever go into a marriage, I wouldn’t ask for a pre nup.
I’m fortunate that I’m with a genuinely good person (that admittedly I do want things to work out with and hope to settle down some time). It could be perceived as naive, but I think that Jspazz hit it on the nail that it would just be the dissolution of marriage pre-planned - and it’s something that I’m not planning on ending once I do enter into it (who does really).
Thanks for the perspective Jspazz! Though I’m not sure if I’m ready to venture into parenting quite just yet…
I think a good thing to think abkut it. Everyone thinks that they found a genuine person since time cam change people a prenup just says if your not who you really are today then I shouldn’t have to give you all my stuff.with. you it mighg not be a bad idea to protect the fam biz
Based on that logic, you could say wearing a life vest when sailing is just planning to fall in the water. That’s not quite true though. You wear a life vest because even though you don’t intend to fall in the water and you’ll do everything you can not to fall in the water, you also realize that falling in the water is a possibility and you’d rather be prepared for it should it ever occur. And if it does happen, it’s usually because something occurred that was out of your control.
Hope (and strive) for the best, plan for the worst. That’s my life’s motto.
No prenup here. 20th anniversary in 2 months. She stopped working 10 years ago (with first child), but I was making 10x more by then anyway. It would cause more problems to ask for a prenup now than it would ever be worth.
great analogy